Building off the subject of 10 kinds of magic you can share with children, today, I want to focus on the magic of a warm hug. Hugs are one of the most amazing things in the world. They make you feel loved, supported, and cared for. They're a great way to show your affection for someone and heal pain. Hugs reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and boost your mood. They can also help you to feel more connected to other people.
But it doesn't just end there. Touch is a sensitive subject because it can be associated with many different things. For some, it's a reminder of a time when they were hurt or violated. But for others, touch is a vital part of their lives. It's how they express love and care for their friends and family. And it's also how they receive comfort and support.
Any kind of touch is the interaction between oneself and another self, the entrance of external stimuli into the body. So, for example, when we hug someone, we are physically and emotionally present with them at that moment. That's why a hug can be such a powerful thing, for better or worse.
I have three children, two of whom have very few touch requirements. They give and receive openly and regularly with a wide range of people. But one of them is much more restricted. For him, the boundaries include who can hug him, when, and how.
Understanding another person's boundaries is crucial to communicating what you want with your hug. Think of it like this: if you and another person speak different languages, you must know both the denotations and connotations of the words you use to relay a message correctly. Something as simple as a joke could come across as an insult if you are unfamiliar with the culture of the person you are talking to. Touch is the same. Good communication requires an established relationship and familiarity.
While touch is essential to establishing a personal connection with your children at a young age, as they grow older, you will need to learn to communicate the same powerful messages in ways that change day to day. You can discover the best ways to communicate the magic of a warm hug with your children through 1) observation, 2) talking about it / asking permission, and 3) practicing.
I once decided to find all the picture books I could about hugs, and while there were many good ones, the one my children and I liked best was "Don't Hug Doug (He Doesn't Like It)" by Carrie Finison and Daniel Wiseman. It is sensitive and cheerful and does a great job illustrating the nuances of hugs and touch.
