| Inner Becoming Newsletter You Should Quit: How Letting Go Can Propel You Forward Don't be a quitter, they say At some point in our lives, most of us have quit some things: awkward phases & identities we thought were cool, smoking, keeping secrets, friendships and relationships that expired, bad habits, marriages, communities, groups, piano lessons, following rules, beliefs that held us back, schools, careers we were dedicated to, diets that were making us hungry, ideas we believed in, self-hatred, places we called home, rituals that were comforting, unreasonable expectations, etc. ____________________ Quitting things we've outgrown is natural and necessary in order to evolve into the next version of ourselves. ____________________ Some things we quit abruptly, some quietly and subtly, and others we allow to slowly evolve into a new iteration. But frequently we don't quit when we know it's time to quit. Instead, we overstay in what no longer fits us. We wait until until things become unbearable or so misaligned that no other option but quitting seems available. Why don't we quit? Because we learned that quitting is a weakness. We were conditioned to mistrust our knowing when it's telling us it's time to go. We learned to look at what's acceptable and admired, and not quitting is often acceptable and admired, it's seen as a virtue. We have internalized an idea of sticking through things no matter what . We learned to conflate strength with commitment even when the commitment we once made no longer feels purposeful and life giving. Sunk-cost fallacy Sunk-cost fallacy is a phenomenon that explains the human tendency to "stay the course" with a previous decision even though we no longer benefit from it, although there is reason to believe that quitting would be more beneficial. Essentially we are very good at convincing ourselves to maintain the status quo, even when changing it would propel us forward. Maybe you resonate with this: something in you is sending all sorts of signals that it's time to let go, but you're scared and you hold onto the familiar because it is comfortable. It's what you know so well. We convince ourselves by telling ourselves to recommit, to try harder, to do more, to remember why we started, to overcome the desire to quit. We minimize the dissatisfaction we feel, we invalidate our needs and desires, we tell ourself we want too much and we should be more realistic. We try so hard to rationalize why we feel the way we feel, instead of just allowing ourselves to feel what is true. ____________________ The thing is, no matter what kind of reasons your mind comes up with, if something is no longer for you, it's not going to stay in your life. And if something is for you, it will keep pushing its way into your life. ____________________ Knowing when to quit Sticking with previous commitments is not all together bad advice, but what's missing is knowing when to quit. There is a distinction between moving through the obstacles when involved in something meaningful versus sticking though something that's past its expiration date. I am not talking about giving up just because something is hard, confusing, and arduous, IF it is meaningful, aligned, and right. What I am talking about is quitting something you've be told not to quit, even though the deepest parts of your soul are whispering that it's time to move on. I am talking about leaving things that no longer nourish you and in which you keep losing yourself slowly. _______________ Quitting is completion, not a failure. Quitting what's no longer life giving is powerful and self-honoring. Quitting the things that are weighing us down opens up space for what is more aligned with us. _______________ But why not be a quitter at something that isn't for you? Why is it 'noble' to suck it up and force yourself to keep putting your energy in something that's depleting you? Questions For Days If the topic of quitting resonated with you, taking some time to reflect on it without urgency to make a decision could provide clarity. If you have a nudge that there is something in your life that ran its course, yet you're holding onto it, take your time with these questions. Use them as journaling prompts when you have time to write in peace, with no timeline and with no interruptions. Let go of any expectation and try to not take sides in decision making. Think about what decision feels more aligned versus what decision is the right one. Happy journaling! _______________ What have I quit in the past that turned out to be good for me? How did I know it was time to let it go? What's the scariest thing about letting go now? Why am I holding onto this? Do I like that reason? How does each decision feel in my body? What's the price of not quitting? What opportunities might be on the other side of letting go? What's the best case scenario if I don't quit? If I do? How am I benefiting by holding on? Interested in scheduling a therapy appointment? Visit Inner Becoming and fill out an appointment inquiry . For those interesting in one-off session, check out single sessions . |
Inner Becoming Newsletter | |
You Should Quit:
How Letting Go Can Propel You Forward
Don't be a quitter, they say
At some point in our lives, most of us have quit some things: awkward phases & identities we thought were cool, smoking, keeping secrets, friendships and relationships that expired, bad habits, marriages, communities, groups, piano lessons, following rules, beliefs that held us back, schools, careers we were dedicated to, diets that were making us hungry, ideas we believed in, self-hatred, places we called home, rituals that were comforting, unreasonable expectations, etc.
____________________
Quitting things we've outgrown is natural and necessary in order to evolve into the next version of ourselves.
____________________
Some things we quit abruptly, some quietly and subtly, and others we allow to slowly evolve into a new iteration. But frequently we don't quit when we know it's time to quit. Instead, we overstay in what no longer fits us. We wait until until things become unbearable or so misaligned that no other option but quitting seems available.
Why don't we quit?
Because we learned that quitting is a weakness. We were conditioned to mistrust our knowing when it's telling us it's time to go. We learned to look at what's acceptable and admired, and not quitting is often acceptable and admired, it's seen as a virtue. We have internalized an idea of sticking through things no matter what. We learned to conflate strength with commitment even when the commitment we once made no longer feels purposeful and life giving.
| |
Sunk-cost fallacy
Sunk-cost fallacy is a phenomenon that explains the human tendency to "stay the course" with a previous decision even though we no longer benefit from it, although there is reason to believe that quitting would be more beneficial. Essentially we are very good at convincing ourselves to maintain the status quo, even when changing it would propel us forward.
Maybe you resonate with this: something in you is sending all sorts of signals that it's time to let go, but you're scared and you hold onto the familiar because it is comfortable. It's what you know so well.
We convince ourselves by telling ourselves to recommit, to try harder, to do more, to remember why we started, to overcome the desire to quit. We minimize the dissatisfaction we feel, we invalidate our needs and desires, we tell ourself we want too much and we should be more realistic. We try so hard to rationalize why we feel the way we feel, instead of just allowing ourselves to feel what is true.
____________________
The thing is, no matter what kind of reasons your mind comes up with, if something is no longer for you, it's not going to stay in your life. And if something is for you, it will keep pushing its way into your life.
____________________
Knowing when to quit
Sticking with previous commitments is not all together bad advice, but what's missing is knowing when to quit. There is a distinction between moving through the obstacles when involved in something meaningful versus sticking though something that's past its expiration date. I am not talking about giving up just because something is hard, confusing, and arduous, IF it is meaningful, aligned, and right.
What I am talking about is quitting something you've be told not to quit, even though the deepest parts of your soul are whispering that it's time to move on. I am talking about leaving things that no longer nourish you and in which you keep losing yourself slowly.
_______________
Quitting is completion, not a failure. Quitting what's no longer life giving is powerful and self-honoring. Quitting the things that are weighing us down opens up space for what is more aligned with us.
_______________
But why not be a quitter at something that isn't for you? Why is it 'noble' to suck it up and force yourself to keep putting your energy in something that's depleting you?
| |
Questions For Days
If the topic of quitting resonated with you, taking some time to reflect on it without urgency to make a decision could provide clarity. If you have a nudge that there is something in your life that ran its course, yet you're holding onto it, take your time with these questions. Use them as journaling prompts when you have time to write in peace, with no timeline and with no interruptions. Let go of any expectation and try to not take sides in decision making. Think about what decision feels more aligned versus what decision is the right one.
Happy journaling!
_______________
What have I quit in the past that turned out to be good for me?
How did I know it was time to let it go?
What's the scariest thing about letting go now?
Why am I holding onto this? Do I like that reason?
How does each decision feel in my body?
What's the price of not quitting?
What opportunities might be on the other side of letting go?
What's the best case scenario if I don't quit? If I do?
How am I benefiting by holding on?
| |
|
|
| |
|
