Is it something to do with warm baths and cucumber eyes?
No no no.
Self-kindness is the remedy to reach for when you’re having a hard time.
For when you find yourself:
Beating yourself up
Arguing in your head
Retreating into denial
Feeling overwhelmed
Feeling helpless
Let’s call that “ugggh”
And drive yourself crazy coz you get stuck in:
Obsessive, looping thoughts
Ruminative negative scenarios
Catastrophising
Inner arguments
Resentments, justifications, inner rage
Let’s call that “urkkh”
And you end up:
Weak
Vulnerable
Ineffective
Uptight and self-critical
Unforgiving of self and others
Harsh on self and others
Let’s call that “aaarggh”
What a bunch of horrible words!!
Consider this:
What happens if we intersect uggh, urkkh and aarrgghh?
We get a massive IMPACT!
An uncomfortable unwanted hard-hitting impact that hits us in the guts, spins our head, messes with our relationships and interferes with our life.
UGGH/URKKH/AARGGH IMPACT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.
IT FEELS BAD. Physically.
Another word for ‘feeling’ in this context is ‘visceral’. Because you feel it “in your gut” or as an urky sensation somewhere in the body. A heavy heart. A tight chest.
Opposite to the feeling of experiencing kindness.
The glowy feeling when someone’s kind to you. The glowy feeling when you’re kind to someone else. Simply witnessing a kindness can produce the warm fuzzies.
Self-kindness – directing a kind feeling towards yourself through words and even touch- is visceral. We feel it.
This is important:
>> SELF-KINDNESS IS A FEELING, NOT JUST A WORD. <<
Self-kindness brings relief
The visceral element is how and why self-kindness works.
We replace the physical YUK with a physical YUM that we produce all by our self.
Yes, we have it in our power.
One simple tweak.
Because we overlook the tweak … or don’t even know about it … or know about it and forget about it …. it’s a good idea to do a specific training. Something to install the practice and remind you.
(Or hop onto Dr Kristen Neff's website and have a look at her free guided audios).
The Bootcamp has several exercises where I invite you to experience kindness as a feeling. I emphasise the visceral element because that is the both the carrot and the core of the thing.
Self-kindness without deliberately feeling the sensation of kindness is not what we mean by self-kindness.
